For me, spirituality isn’t just about growth; it’s also a tool for making difficult decisions. One such decision was my divorce—a process that required deep reflection on my intentions and values. Since I write so much on this blog about spirituality, about that thin line between true growth and mere fantasy, and about not treating spirituality as an escape from daily problems—why did I myself delay divorcing my wife for so long? A wife who, to put it bluntly, had a second life.
I thought about this a lot. I reflected. Why was I stuck in something that should have ended long ago? To clarify: she had moved out, but we still had shared assets and ran a company together, yet we delayed the divorce. The children thought Mom was temporarily living in another apartment because she needed to rest, that she had depression.
I came to the conclusion that the key here was intention. Yes, I won’t hide it—in the beginning, it stemmed from fear, anxiety, jealousy, my wounded ego, and a fear of loneliness. It was also about shame—what would the family and people say? And shame before myself—after all, I’m not such a bad guy, why does she want to leave? There was this naive thought that maybe she would ‘wise up,’ stop escaping into entertainment, and that everything would return to normal. It was waiting for a miracle, a bit like a magical wish for time to turn back.
At one point, I even explored various advice online, like YouTube videos promising ways to ‘get your partner back in 30 days, 60 days, or 90 days.’ On the other extreme, there were suggestions like, ‘If you want her back, run full speed into a wall—and if that doesn’t work, repeat until you realize she’s not worth it.’ Neither of these paths felt right. The first was manipulation (not to mention empty promises), and the second was pure escapism.
Spirituality helped me see things differently. It wasn’t about trying to change her or giving up entirely. It was about finding a middle ground—acknowledging that something was wrong and approaching the process with wisdom and responsibility. But as my spirituality deepened, something changed in me. It stopped being an escape and became an authentic, conscious process.
My intention stopped being about saving something by force and became about spreading the process out over time. For the good of the children. For her good and mine, too. The point was for it not to happen too violently, for it not to collapse like a house of cards overnight. We needed to organize everything, lay the groundwork so we could all get through it as gently as possible. In my opinion, that was responsibility at that later stage. This no longer stemmed from bad intentions or fear, but from a good intention—the desire to minimize damage to the family. Because if we couldn’t function fully under one roof anymore, there were losses. Not just material losses—though those matter too—but emotional ones, especially for the children.
This shows me one very important thing, which I actually mention in the article “Be Your Own Guru”: how important it is to look for answers within yourself. Getting to know your values through your own spirituality, through those quiet conversations with your own soul. Because no one else will do it for us.
I stumbled upon the word “intention” by accident, but I looked for the answer to what it means to me inside myself. I learned that intention is something deeper—more conscious and thought-out. An impulse, which often stems from emotions like fear or jealousy, but also empathy—that is a motive. Intention, on the other hand, requires mindfulness and reflection. It was this reflection on myself that helped me distinguish what comes from my wounded ego and what comes from my soul. Understanding this difference didn’t come immediately—it took time, inspiration, and work on myself, but thanks to this, I started acting more consciously, in alignment with my values.
So, I learned from external sources what a motive and an intention are (e.g., the internet, books, a conversation with a therapist), but I had to distinguish within myself when I have a bad intention versus a good one, and when I am acting from bad motives versus good ones. This cannot be achieved without deeper thought (reflection) and a conscious look at one’s actions (mindfulness).
Working toward exploring one’s spirituality is not just conversations with one’s own soul, but also openness to the knowledge and experiences of others. Books, podcasts, as well as psychology and neurobiology helped me better understand myself and the processes driving humans, but I found the final answers within myself. I could have just as easily learned the same thing from a therapist if I had gone to one. But I would still have to look for the answers inside. He would have pointed out the tools, but I would have had to figure out how to use them myself. That’s why it’s worth seeking knowledge, but ultimately looking for answers in your own interior. I found out what intention is, what ego is, but it was within myself that I found the answer to what they are for me, how to distinguish a good intention from a bad one, and how a wounded ego manifests in me.
Maybe I’m wrong? Maybe you will present your perspective and it will shed new light on my matters, just as I present mine to you. But in the end, I have to choose. I have to decide what aligns with my values—those universal ones, but understood the way I feel them. And likewise, in your situation, you must choose what aligns with you. What you must do. You can be inspired by hundreds of people, read thousands of books, but at the end of the day, you must find that one right answer within yourself.
This is an example of how spirituality worked for me. Before, I didn’t think about what intention was. I won’t say I was a bad person—rather normal. Usually good, sometimes it happened that I was bad. I usually tried to act from good motives, but I sometimes acted from bad ones, like out of jealousy, fear, hatred, and a desire to settle scores. Only when I got to know intention did I discover it’s something more. You can act with a good intention or a bad one, just as you can from good motives or bad ones. With the development of spirituality, I started acting from good intentions. For this, I needed mindfulness and reflection, but also empathy.
But what are good intentions? How do you distinguish them? How do you not fall into the trap of attributing a good intention to yourself when it isn’t one? Here, working on my ego and managing it helped me. I write more about this in “The Suffering of the Ego vs. the Peace of the Soul: How Understanding the Difference Helps Accept Difficult Emotions”.
Returning to intention—for me, intention is something deeper, more thought-out. No, intention and motive are not strict synonyms, although they are close in meaning and often used interchangeably; intention (design, aim, resolution) focuses on a conscious plan and future action, while motive (impulse, drive) focuses on the emotional or psychological source of that action; it tends to be more fleeting and connected to feelings. The difference lies in the aspect: intention is what we want to do (the goal), and motive is why (the drive, the impulse). A motive is more of an impulse, more often uncontrolled. I associate mindfulness more with intention, and a lack of mindfulness—spontaneity—with motive.
Each of us must find our own path. It is worth drawing from the experiences of others, but we must find the final answers within ourselves—answers consistent with our values and intentions. That is the true power of spirituality.
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AI Disclosure
I see my thoughts as the essence, much like the soul, and AI helps me give them form. It supports me with research, translation, and organizing ideas, but every perspective is my own. Curious how I use AI? Read more here.
