I’m not writing this to complain or to brag. There are a few reasons I’m sharing this. Partly it’s a form of journaling, which has real therapeutic value and is a useful tool in psychology. It’s also about releasing emotions. And to be honest, some of it is practical—just to put things in order.
This blog is about my own journey—how I dealt with the hardest crisis in my life, learned to keep my ego in check, found meaning in tough times, and managed to see crisis as a chance to grow. It’s also about how I started exploring spirituality—which, to me, means really getting to know myself, my soul, and my values, and most importantly, sticking to those values in everyday life. I learned about intention, mindfulness, empathy, forgiveness (both for myself and others), gratitude, accepting what I can’t control, and understanding my own emotions as well as those of others.
I’d heard all those words before, but it wasn’t until I really understood their meaning and saw how they work in practice that my approach changed. Each post on my blog is about something I’m figuring out and sharing with you. In those posts, to give real context, I often share personal experiences. But that can distract from the main topic. That’s why I decided to put my story here, in one post. This way, in other articles, you can focus more on practical advice and less on my background, knowing the context is right here if you need it.
The Collapse of My World
When everything I knew started falling apart, I felt like the ground was crumbling beneath me. My marriage, which once seemed steady, suddenly ended. I was left alone with three kids, trying to figure out what went wrong. But being alone wasn’t the hardest part—the real shock came with realizing I’d been lied to for a long time. I found out my wife was living a double life—cheating on me, jumping into one affair after another, chasing excitement, unable to stop. Even harder was seeing her lose all empathy and interest not just in me, but even in our kids. Even though she lived just a few steps away, she saw the kids only rarely and acted distant, like they were strangers.
At the start of this road, I kept asking myself: “Why did this happen to me?” It might sound brutal, but I even thought it would have been easier if my wife had just passed away than to be betrayed and left behind. If she had simply died, nobody would expect me to explain anything, everyone would have felt sorry for me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about what happens to her or who she’s seeing now. Back then, those thoughts came from a place of deep pain—feeling worthless, humiliated, like I didn’t matter at all. Now, I see things differently. I try to accept what life brought me and treat it as a lesson rather than punishment. The crisis turned into a challenge and a push for me to change instead of just drowning in hurt or self-pity.
Struggling With Emotions
Early on, any attempt at conversation ended in fights, blame, or silence. I felt like my world had shattered into pieces, and emotions—anger, grief, helplessness, unfairness—piled up and felt impossible to carry. I was worried about her too. On one hand, I could have told her to just go her way and not come back into our lives. On the other, she was the kids’ mom, and I still cared about her.
A few months before, she’d ended up in the hospital because of migraines with aura. The doctors found changes in her brain and thought it might be epilepsy. Around that time, drugs like mephedrone and amphetamines showed up—she said they helped her deal with depression. She also talked about possible personality disorders, but whenever I suggested therapy, she’d get aggressive.
In spite of all this, I tried to understand her state of mind and support her as much as I could, even though I often felt helpless.
Spirituality and Empathy
I’m describing her behavior and possible issues in detail because I really wanted to understand her. I put it down to years of stress in our life together. It was getting into spirituality that helped me feel more empathy instead of anger. I see it as my job to watch over and help her, at least as much as I can without overstepping her boundaries. She’s still the kids’ mom, and helping her means they can have some version of their mom in their lives. Keeping things somewhat normal means they see her more often.
I’ve often wondered why I didn’t just walk away completely, why I still try to help her and worry about her. It’s not because I want her back—I don’t think that’s even possible anymore. After everything that’s happened, I can’t imagine rebuilding a family under one roof, pretending nothing happened, or just forgetting it all. That would always stay with us. But I do believe we can have a healthy relationship, because the kids need parents who can get along, even if they live apart. I didn’t abandon her because I think she needs help. We spent a big part of our lives together, and she gave me my children. That’s reason enough not to turn my back on her completely.
All the difficult choices I made were with the kids’ well-being and sense of safety in mind. I avoided anything that could really hurt them or destroy their sense of security—even when it meant more work or self-sacrifice for me.
When writing about tough personal experiences, I made a conscious choice to blog under a different name. It’s mainly to protect my family’s privacy—I don’t want my wife to be easily identified or put on trial in public, and I don’t want the kids to have to face all of this. Even though she hurt me a lot, I’m not out to publicly shame her.
The kids also don’t need all the details of our breakup—their mom is still an important part of their lives. I’m writing to understand myself and maybe help others, but always in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone or violate their privacy. That’s also part of my idea of spirituality—acting with empathy, respect, and responsibility.
If you’re curious about my chosen pen name “Amil Ecki” and what it means to me, check out the article “The Story Behind Amil Ecki: A Journey of Words and Meaning”. There you’ll find out how it came to be, and maybe get a laugh from my accidental play on words.
I know a lot of stories where people in similar situations—or even after just one affair—ended their marriages in hate, big arguments, court battles, and blaming each other. But even with everything that happened, I’m on decent terms with my ex. We split the assets fairly and technically share custody, although most responsibilities are really on my shoulders. I’m sharing this to show how much strength I drew from spirituality to take care of the kids—and even her. It allowed me to get through everything without judging her or trying to punish her, even with how much she hurt me.
Legally, I had enough proof of her affairs to show she was at fault in court. I could have easily gotten full custody, limited her contact with the kids, or even gotten child support. But I didn’t want to go down that road. I take care of the kids as if I had full custody anyway, just without the benefits of financial support. I think that’s just what’s right for the family, for the kids, for her, and for me.
My Perspective
I’m sharing all this to give some background. This isn’t about making myself look good—I wasn’t perfect, but I did care about our family. All of her behavior shows deep-seated issues that probably got worse under stress. Having three kids one after another, juggling a business, almost never taking a vacation—all of that could have affected her mental health. But personal traits played a part, too.
She always needed validation, which I probably didn’t provide enough. She admitted herself she was materialistic—she always wanted more. My view was that yes, it’s good to want more from life, but you also need to learn to accept what you have if things don’t work out. She didn’t get that. She said my attitude showed a lack of ambition, even though I was the one building the company, running it, and contributing all the technical know-how it needed. I often felt my efforts went unnoticed, and her expectations were completely unrealistic, especially during tough times like the pandemic or high inflation.
I’ve always tried to help her, both at home and at work. I helped with her thesis, supported her with college issues, wrote grant applications, handled office disputes, went through inspections, and set up all the technical stuff to start our company together. I did all the internet setup, linked up all the equipment, wrote employment contracts, helped interview new hires—even while I was working my own full-time job.
Even after she moved out and I became the primary caregiver for the kids, I never refused to help with practical stuff—fixing what’s broken, helping with small repairs in her apartment, handling random day-to-day things when she asked. Even though I was left with most of the responsibilities, I still chose to help. For me, that’s the right thing to do.
One thing that stood out to me was how she handled the topic of caring for older family. She used to complain if I needed to help my parents or grandparents. When I said I’d be willing to help her parents if necessary, she told me straight up: “I have no plans to wipe anyone’s ass when they’re old.” At the same time, she’d praise her boyfriend for taking care of his sick mother—which never made sense to me. She couldn’t explain why she felt that way either.
When she told me she was leaving, I pointed out all these things, but eventually I saw it wasn’t about me—it was about her own ego, dopamine, and narcissism.
Even though I’ve always tried to avoid conflict and give the kids some explanation for their mom not being around, I do worry about their well-being if shared custody were ever on the table. Her priorities are mostly centered around herself, and I know the kids could end up fending for themselves. That fear is what drives me to make decisions that will give them stability and keep them safe.
Lack of Empathy and Narcissism
Over time, it became more and more obvious that my wife lacked empathy and showed clear narcissistic traits that crept into every part of her life. She cut off deeper connections with the kids and only showed up for practical things. Her presence became minimum effort, even with pets she once cared about—her own comfort and freedom became more important than any family obligations. She started manipulating people more, twisting facts, blaming others for her decisions, and bending situations to suit her. These patterns led to growing tension and chaos at home, making everything feel less safe and stable.
Her emotional ups and downs and narcissism were especially clear in her relationship with her boyfriend, which lasted around a year. She told me herself that every couple of weeks they’d have a fight, break up, swap gifts back and forth, and sometimes things got violent—she hit him in the face once, and after one argument he even passed out and landed in the hospital. According to her, these troubles were mostly because “he either changes or he doesn’t”—she just wasn’t willing to compromise. Still, after every fight, she’d pull the strings to get back together with him, unable to spend weekends alone, looking for comfort and a temporary break from the kids and housework.
On top of that, she started making strange decisions, like going to an astrologer for advice on finding the “perfect” partner. That just showed me how far off course she’d gone, losing touch with both our real problems and especially the kids’ needs.
All this—manipulating people, distorting facts, putting her own needs first, ducking out of responsibility—not only tore up our family relationships but made it hard for her to handle important duties at home or in the business. I felt that though her actions hurt us most, they started to spill over and hurt other people around her too.
Conclusion
My story is about getting through a tough crisis that forced me to face my emotions and some of life’s hardest challenges. Thanks to all of this, I’ve learned that real strength and growth can come from empathy, perseverance, and working on yourself—not just surviving the chaos, but actually building something better from it.
This blog was born out of that crisis—my need for answers, my wish to understand myself and the world, and my hope to share what I found. For me, it’s not just a platform to inspire and help others, but also a form of personal and spiritual growth, a way to document my journey and reflect on the lessons I’ve learned. If you’re curious about the broader vision and purpose behind this blog, I invite you to read “In Search of Meaning: Why This Blog Was Created”. There, I share more about how this space became a reflection of my path and an invitation for others to join me in exploring life’s deeper questions.
It’s not just about making it through a crisis; it’s also about discovering spirituality, growing as a person, and finding deeper meaning in everyday life. I believe every crisis has the potential for growth, if you’re ready to look at yourself and others with empathy and openness.
Even though I’ve spoken critically about my wife, it’s important to acknowledge that we also shared many wonderful moments together. Neither of us was perfect—we were overworked, exhausted, and caught up in the challenges of life. I’m sharing all of this to provide context for my crisis, the background for other articles where I explore tools, personal growth, and spirituality. If you’re going through a crisis—whether it feels smaller or bigger than mine (and let’s be honest, our own crisis always feels like the biggest)—I hope my story inspires you, gives you courage, and offers some comfort. Maybe my journey will encourage you to start your own, explore my blog, and grow from my experiences.
What I’ve learned is that real strength isn’t about fighting or revenge—it’s about acceptance, forgiveness, and living true to your values. That’s what helped me get through this and find meaning even in a mess.
If this blog, or just my story, can be support or inspiration for someone, then it was worth writing. Share your thoughts in the comments what you think about it.
If my writing has inspired or helped you, I would be grateful for your support.
Need support yourself? Discover how I can help you.
AI Disclosure
I see my thoughts as the essence, much like the soul, and AI helps me give them form. It supports me with research, translation, and organizing ideas, but every perspective is my own. Curious how I use AI? Read more here.
